Driveby Hooting

I was walking home today and stopped at a crosswalk on one of Grand Rapids' main roads (for those of you who don't know Grand Rapids, there are three). Suddenly, a car full of women (of ages unknown) started hollering at me and one yelled, "you're hot!" and then they sped by.

I hollered, "Thank you very much, maybe we could hang out sometime..."

But I'm pretty sure that all they heard was, "Tha..."

Then I thought, "So this is my reward for losing 60 pounds and getting in shape: anonymous women whooping like cranes in my general direction. $%*&, if I'd have known I had that to look forward to, I would have lost the weight years ago."

Go figure, just another case of women treating men as though they were just eye candy. Hello, whooping crane ladies, I have a personality too! Sure my personality is nothing to get excited about, but I am more than just a sultry lips on a sexy torso with sexy arms and legs that go from here all the way to there! I mean, I know I'm freakin' hot, but there is also a bland, uninteresting person beneath this sensual figure.

Then I looked at myself and realized, "you're hot" was probably just a commentary on my shirt that had sweat marks on the belly that resembled the jowled face of Richard Nixon. (Is it jowled or bejowled? Because I like bejowled better.)