There is a woman sitting next to me who apparently never learned the lesson that you shouldn't talk with your mouth full. She is eating a bagel with cream cheese and discussing someone else's wedding photos. This is offensive to my sensitive, suburban, Emily Post lovin' ears. (That's right, I'm hot for etiquette.)
So, I know everyone out there has been waiting for me to throw my hat in with a presidential candidate before you would even consider thinking about who you might think about considering to support as a presidential candidate. Well, the wait is over. I have carefully weighed all the issues, and feel confident and delighted to endorse this dog.
I think that the mental recession that America is suffering from could be remedied best by an adorable president. (Though Bush is pretty adorable.)
On a related note, I believe that the American voters are not to be trusted. Thus, I have decided that we would be better off if we left our next election to the greatest game of chance ever invented. I have three words: cow pie bingo. The cows are ready, are you?
I have the whole system figured out in a way that will still allow for some degree of democracy. People still vote for the candidates and the amount of votes will determine the amount of cow pie bingo squares allotted to each. If a candidate gets 46% of the votes, they get 46% of the squares. It is that simple. Not only is this incredibly sensible, but it is also the most godly way to choose quality individuals. Remember how Matthias way chosen in Acts 1? Think about it. Casting lots, Cow Pie Bingo... essentially the same thing.
In short, vote or die. (Those are your options, without any exaggeration, overemphasis, hyperbole, embellishment, or suprainductablizationates)*
*(I just coined that word, it is defined as "any book containing the word 'Russia' or etymological information about the word"... thus it in no way applies to what was previously being stated and was used out of context in order to give me a chance to coin said word.)