I am currently sitting my usual coffee shop (Lemonjello's). I am sitting at a window facing the main street. I was working on my blog post and looked up out the window. Suddenly, I heard the loud screech of breaks, followed immediately by the screeching car and then the sound and sight of one car slamming into another. I've never seen a car crash happen so close. That are literally only about 30 feet from me. Close enough that I actually felt the boom of the crash. A few police cars and a fire truck just arrived.
Anyway, back to my previous post.
Rock the Vote
Sure, this presidential race may be historic. We had/have the chance for the first woman president, the first black president, and the only president who personally to have know and fought along side of Caligula (i.e., oldest president; a giant leap for someone who shouldn't be leaping given the contents of his 700 page health report). But there has yet to be a vegetarian president. Agri-business, or the agricultural industrial complex is unfortunately the largest lobby firm in the history of evil (please don't fact check that, just trust me). Why doesn't anyone go for the vegetarian demographic? This is a group that includes brilliant mathematician Einstein, techno wiz-kid Moby, noted blogosopher Daniel M, famous code-producer, Leo Da Vinci, and perhaps as many as a dozen more persons.
The difficulty is to unite all the different varieties of the basic vegetarian, i.e., the classic vegetarian, the vegan, the flex-itarian, and the other portmanteaux relating to not eating meat. Perhaps a potato-tician, or a poli-turnup would do the trick. Lettuce-lator, spinach-tor, public servant, e-leek-ted official.
In conclusion, this year, I am hoping one of the four remaining Candidates - Bob Barr, Ron Paul (he's still in it to win it baby), John McCain, and Hilary Clinton (according to Bill, she's actually winning the popular vote) - will rock not just the normal vote, but also might plow down the veggie vote. Here are some things they could say.
Hilary: I don't feel in no ways tired (of vegetables). As president, I will put an end to our dependence of foreign beef and pork products.
Ron Paul: As a libertarian president, I would put an end to all government agricultural-industrial complex. I have always said that locavorism is the gateway to flexitarianism.
Bob Barr: Libertarian rhymes with flexitarian. And our founding fathers wanted it that way. (If as many as five people read my blog I have just doubled publicity for Bob Barr)
McCain: When I was on Noah's Ark, sometimes I would misunderstand God and eat two of every creature on the ark. It was my version of a prehistoric gaff.
Obama: (I have no idea what he says most of the time because I am in a hypnotic trance, filled with hope and inspirational feelings)
Michelle Obama: My husband and I were trained at a radical Madrasah and are a part of an Islamic sleeper cell group within the U.S. When I do the fist jab with anyone, it is a signal sent to the international community of terrorists (the ICT). Also, Barack Hussain was sworn in on the Koran. And we all know that the Koran prohibits the eating of pork. Vote for me. (Just in case anyone reads this who didn't understand that the New Yorker cover was satire, let me make it perfectly clear that these statements are not to be taken literally... I'm looking at you Fox [hardly any] News).*
Okay, so those weren't all clever or funny. But, the point is, we've seen so much pandering in the last few months, all I'm asking for is a little pandering to be sent in my direction. We need some carrot-friendly sound bites. Or should I say, sorrel bites! (Portmanteau strikes again!)
God Bless Amer-arugula! Enjoy your summer stay-cations everyone!
*It's sad to me that the same guy who owns Fox News (Newscorp) also owns the NIV Bible and profits from its sale.