A Dreadful Night Spent Trying to Restructure My Character

The other day, Lydia and I were waiting for our order in a pizza/italian subs restaurant. Four teenage girls... either seniors in high school or freshmen in college entered the restaurant. They were loud and obviously desired everyone to notice that they had entered the building. They looked a little like this picture.

Here are some highlights from their conversation.

Girl 1: "What is a grinder?"
Girl 2: "I think it's like a sub."
Girl 3: "No, it's not a sub... it's a hoogie!"
Girl 2: "Oh yeah, that's right... that's what I meant."
Girl 4: "How big is the whole grinder?"
Girl 3: "18 inches."
Girl 1: "That's like a foot long."
Girl 2: "I think it's a little more than a foot."
Girl 4: "So, if we split a whole sub, is that enough food?"
Girl 3: "That's like 2 inches a piece."
Man behind the cash register: "May I help you?"
Girl 1: "Yeah... we'll like have a sub... I mean a grinder..."
Man: "Would you like anything to drink with that?"
Girl 2: "Yeah... umm... I'll like have.... umm... like... a water."
Girl 3: "We'll all have pop."
Girl 2: "Can you make it a bottled water?"
Man: "That will be $15."
(Girl 1 pays the man)
Girl 4: "How much is that per person?"
Girl 1: "If you all give me $5 that will work out right."
Girl 3: "Ok."
Girl 2: "Remember that scene in like dumb and dumber when the guy asks, 'what's the soup du jour?' and the lady's like, 'the soup of the day'. And then he's all like...
All girls in unison: "That sounds good, I'll have that."
(The girls break into inane laughter... Lydia and I quietly leave the restaurant... suddenly sullen and depressed.)

I hate to say it, but the American education system has failed.