The War Begins.
It has been coming for a long time. Charlton Heston warned us all the back in the 60's, but "you maniacs" wouldn't listen. But now, the apes have arisen.
According the Guardian,* a 31-year-old chimpanzee named Santino has declared war on tourists who disturb his humble abode at the Furuvik zoo in Sweden. Santino has been stock-piling ammunition and using his stock to assault innocent tourist. People who had gone to the zoo to admire the cute and innocent chimp have found him less endearing when he began to hurl projectiles at their gawking faces.
Scientists say that Santino - by stockpiling ammunition in a calm state for future use against an adversary - has become the first animal to clearly exhibit the ability to plan for the future, a behaviour previously thought to be unique to humans. "Forward planning," they say, "takes considerable cognitive skills, because it requires an animal to envisage future events it will have to deal with."
Is this the first in a line of super-intelligent chimps working to enslave the human race? In this blogger's opinion, almost certainly yes. It is only a matter of time until the chimps learn to give dissenting human full frontal lobotomies. Then the transition of power will be complete.
In other news, Matthew won my previous contest and will be a featured character in my full-feature film "The Importance of Being an Earnest Vampire." Congratulations Matt, this is indubitably the greatest moment of your life. Your life and conscience have been altered irrevocably. This is the first day of the rest of your life.
*to read the full story, click here.