We See A Coming War

I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but it may be the most important blog you read this year!

Every year, around this time, I get nervous. I can feel it. As regular as clockwork it comes. There is no stopping it. As surely as the pumpkins are painted with care, and fake coffins adorn the lawns of the faithful, it will arrive.

It is Halloween — a season of acrimonious public debate.

Some are still blissfully unaware, but there is a war on. The liberal secularists want to squelch our religious liberty. These elitists are trying to prevent good, hard-working, small-town Christians from celebrating our rich religious heritage. Christians have been celebrating Halloween since the earliest eves of their religion.

The liberal media is responsible for fanning the flame of the small, but vocal minority of those who oppose Halloween into a massive fire. And we are all caught in the middle of this war.

Well, I and my readers are good Christian soldier, marching as to war, and we will not be ignored. The main-stream, gotcha, liberal-biased media - many of whom don't even believe in the Great Pumpkin* - can't just expect us to go away, leaving them to their god-less pursuits. We Christians feel it necessary to get unnecessarily and irrationally offended over holidays whose roots we don't understand. But our lack of understanding makes us no less assured of the purity of our aspiration. Therefore, we WILL make our voice heard.

I firmly assert that there is a war on Halloween. It is not a war fought on television, school grounds, through public display, or by the Supreme Court. It is a battle for the hearts and minds of every god-fearing person in this great nation.

So, good Christian soldiers, marching as to the war on Halloween, DO SOMETHING. Let's let our Battle Hymn to the Republic be heard on every hill and mountain, saying, "Happy Halloween!" Do not let yourself be silenced by the devil and his minions of anti-Christian workers, i.e., the liberal media.

I have compiled two lists below. One list of stores that have stayed strong and are still willing to say "Happy Halloween" (the phrase first uttered infallibly by Saint Paul in his letter to Thessalonian). The other list of stores that are trying not to "offend" people, those pluralist reprobates. It is our duty as Christians to support only persons and institutions that agree with us. "If you are not for me, then you are against me."

Stores Who Will Say "Happy Halloween" This Year:

TJX stores (TJ Maxx, Marshall's, HomeGoods, A.J. Wright, Bob's stores)
J.C. Penney's
Hobby Lobby
In-N-Out Burger
Bath & Body Works

Stores Avoiding Halloween:

Best Buy - steadfastly refuses to mention Halloween
Home Depot - still hiding behind the "holiday" trees
L.L. Bean - one Halloween catalog issued, all others holiday-centered
Crate & Barrel
Eddie Bauer - doesn't want to offend anyone
Toys 'R' Us
Banana Republic
Bed, Bath & Beyond
The Gap

Godspeed, my fellow Christian soldiers, marching as to war.

*The pumpkin was how Christians understood the Trinity before the egg was invented.**
**For those of you who are unfamiliar with the egg/trinity link, its simple: an egg has three parts, a yolk, the whites, and the shell. They are three distinct parts, but only together are they an egg... or something. It is without question an absurd way of explaining the Trinity, but don't tell that to Sunday school teachers (or even certain seminarians). I did once and it was not pretty. (I think a better explanation for our day and age is captain planet.)

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